How DID did she control you ?

Hello, first let me start by saying that we met Deborjah through her teachings online. I was a Christian SAHM of 2 and pregnant with our third. My Husband and I had a deep desire to help others and serve Christ. When I foud Deborjah's teachings, they fed our need to DO something to prove our devotion to the Lord. We were naive and ignorant of the gospel of salvation and freedom from works of the law. She was very subtle at first. What you read in her lessons online is the PUBLIC VERSION. It has all the specific referrences to the members of the group edited out before it goes online. The members of the group are routinely humiliated in front of the whole group , but all of that is removed from the lessons BEFORE they go online. She routinely came into my home which is where the lessons were taught and acted like she was a queen. She would not allow anyone child or adult to get up and use the restroom until SHE was ready to take a break. She has had children and adults sitting in their chairs crying because they were about to wet themselves. She once made one of the ladies walk home because she insisted on getting up to go to the bathroom . If she showed up early and everyone was not standing as she entered, she would threaten us with punishment. She BELIEVES that she is the ONLY teacher or mouthpiece of Jahwah. We were so ignorant of the scriptures, that when Deborjah twisted them to keep us following all the laws of the old testament we obeyed. We were continually taught that any disobedience was a sign of distrust and a rebellious heart. Which caused us to try even harder to follow the law to prove that we REALLY loved Jahwah. She would enforce rules on some but not others claiming that "everyone's walk is different, so don't expect everyone's walk to be like yours " That meant that you couldn't complain about how you were being treated or point out discrepencies in what was being taught and enforced on some but not others, PARTICULARLY HER OWN FAMILY MEMBERS, because that was YOUR walk with Jahwah. I was the first one of our group to be excommunicated. It scared me to death. Our family was not ALLOWED to have sugar AT ALL, No chocolate either( because my husband had cavities as did our little girl )I even had to check the ingredients in everything I bought. One day I wanted to do something special for my children so I bought and gave them some dried fruit which had sugar sprinkled on it. We hadn't had sugar in more than a year . I told them not to tell anyone but someone did out of fear and I was busted. There were also some charges that I had complained to everyone about Deborah not allowing me to have a business license. I didn't complain about that since another member of the group owned a Port-a-Potty business in Moab and we would have used her license to buy all of our supplies. I had had my own business license years before and so I wasn't worried. But Deborah needed as much as she could get against me, she was going to make an example of me! She made my husband, who was one of the Elders participate in my excommunication which was to last for three weeks. I was brought into anothers home on one occasion and told to " Sit down, shut up and put your bag of excuses away !" If my husband tried to help me, then he would have gotten a prescription ( disciplinary action ). I was not allowed to speak up for myself or refute any charges brought against me. According to Deborjah, I was rebellious and endangering my salvation as well as that of my children. I was repeatedly told that if I didn't keep all of my children under me in obedience, then they would not be saved. I was constantly under the microscope because I had a hard heart that needed to be broken. My husband was disciplined for coming to my defence when I told Deborah that I needed insulin and she refused to allow me to go to the Dr. She said that she had CURED her sister and she was going to cure me. I was not allowed to refuse. I was told what I could eat, how far to walk every day ( 4.5 miles which was good for me ) when to take my blood sugar etc. After more than a year of her program My blood sugar was still very high all the time. My Dr said that I had liver and kidney damage. I was FINALLY ALLOWED to take insulin she still claims that she helped me. Deborah BELIEVES that she can cure people. There are several instances of health issues among the group that desperately need to be treated but Deborah won't allow it. She needs to have power over people. In some way this old woman needs to be constantly running someones life. One other person who was in one of Deborjah's previous groups, said that being friend with Deborjah is being in bondage......and she is right. She never taught out of the New Testament. It took years to realize that. She teaches that she is in position between all of Jahwah's people and Jawahshuwah ( Christ ), because we needed a " buffer " between us and Christ. What about coming boldly to the throne ? Over the course of five years our family alone tithed more than 30,000 to her. Unlike Christ , Deborah taught that anyone who is not in her group is the Dead , and they are not to recieve any help from the poor fund. Christ was ALWAYS helping " the dead " .....that is how he reached them ! When any of the group needed help from the poor fund, we were made to pay it back. After all those years of tithing we came to realize that not one person outside our group was helped . She will not tell where all the money was spent as if we had no right to know . She will not tell us why all the other groups she has had have left, other than they were all evil and money lovers ( ie stopped tithing to her ). We tithed twenty to thirty percent off the top of everything we earned for five years. We did so faithfully. The FIRST time we asked about why she had changed the tithing rules, she would not speak to us and she called one of the other elders and told her that we had backslidden and that she had an email to prove it. What made her so angry was that we referenced one of her own lessons , which gave a step by step example of how to tithe on gifts you recieve. According to that lesson we were doing it right so how and when did the rules change ? She was fit to be tied that we would after five years , DARE to question her. She controls people through fear. There is no stronger fear than that for your and your children's eternal future. I know this is a long post but there is sooo much that happened to all of us and is still happening to others who are still there. Oh , I almost forgot....there was no sexual funny business going on ! What Carey meant by " pleasure " is that for narssistic personalities, they derive their self gratification by ruling over others. We pray for them to have their eyes opened as the Father graciously opened our eyes. My children still miss the Hawkins children. They were the only other children in the group full time, for five long years. Deborjah taught that all the other children outside our group are full of evil spirits and thus they were not allowed to mix with them. When we left, my heart was broken for Jordan( Kristin ) , Aiyah ( Kierra ), and Caleb ( Gregory ) Hawkins. They would be completely alone , but for my own family's sake , we HAD to go. I pray for their mother Elisheba ( Lanica )as well , that she will come out of the bondage she is in. I am going to post a letter from Elisheba ( Lanica )that she wrote to me and one of the other ladies in our group. This letter shows how even our dreams were interpreted by Deborjah to lift her up and push us down , keep us on our knees worshipping her, not the Father.
Please feel free to ask any questions you like, I will try to answer them in a more timely manner now that I know you are here :-) Lisa